So, yesterday was my birthday. I’m 53 now. I’m not at all bothered by the number. I stopped obsessing over youth, etc, about 30 years ago.
We all get older. We don’t all get wiser, but we all get older. What matters isn’t physical in the sense of hair, wrinkles, or that stuff. What matters is how much we still want to give to the world.
This year has been, well, chaotic. I live in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop, and have since the end of March I think. This isn’t my year in review post, though. I’ll do that sometime next week. This is about what I’ve learned really matters in my life.
Friendship.
Love.
Compassion.
Honesty.
Integrity.
Laughter.
Not just showing others you care, but being able to accept it being shown to you in return.
Knowing it matters more to make the ones you care about like you in return instead of a total stranger.
Having the strength to do what you need to do, instead of giving up because someone else doesn’t believe in you.
So much of my life thus far was wasted on things that didn’t matter. I paid more attention to the opinions of others than I did taking care of myself. I put the wants of people I thought were friends ahead of my own needs. I was afraid, foolishly, that not doing so would make them not like me. Know what? It doesn’t matter if they did or didn’t. No one should ever threaten to do that over something small. Not baking cookies for a birthday because you worked an 8 hour shift and were up until 2 am studying is self care. It’s necessary. It’s not something to end a friendship over.
The people who matter are those who make sure you’re okay without any sort of agenda. It’s the random text about small stuff. It’s time given without expectation. It’s binge watching a tv show so I can write for hours on end.
It’s a hug when you really need it after a hard day.
BB/Chan Eil Eagal Orm
K. M. Warfield 
I have learned that I can’t MAKE people like me. Either they do, or they don’t. I can’t do things that they like, or that they admire, but I can’t make someone like me. There are people I admire, but I don’t like at all. I know there are plenty of people who don’t like me, but who respect what I can do.
For me, being true to myself and not to what others think of me is paramount. Win, lose, or draw.
Due to childhood issues, I have a fear (definitely unfounded) that I can’t be liked unless I give everything that others demand of me. I’m doing better, learning to set boundaries. That’s one thing that led to the stalker. She was used to me just going along with whatever she wanted because we were old friends. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, respect boundaries I put into place. I am beyond cautious with any new ‘friends’ on social media any more because of her catfishing. I am not perfect. I know not everyone will like me. I’m okay with that, and I’m done bending over backwards for someone who always wants to make me bend even more.
I had that same fear, also unfounded, and learned the same lesson the hard way. The result is I learned to stand on my own. I love having friends to do things with me, and having a husband who supports me. But if all that fell away tomorrow, I’d still be able to stand on my own. I think I am a lot like you that way.