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Sigh.

You’d think after a year of COVID, a tumultuous election cycle, and protests I’d have a better perspective on what’s big and what’s small. That I’d be able to take a deep breath, give thanks to my Goddess that I haven’t lost anyone since it all began, and not let small things bother me.

You’d be right most of the time. Cerridwen usually shoulders the burdens I can’t, or at least lightens my load in some way. She is, after all, a Goddess.

Then there’s my hands. The tools in which I create worlds, find my own strength, and do so many things with.

I’m back to the hand specialist today. The trigger finger on my right hand is back to being annoying. I’ve been wearing the splint at night for three months, as directed. Over the last week or two, I’ve noticed it being stiff in the morning. Not where I can’t bend it. More of being able to feel things aren’t quite right. I’ve had difficulty using it to twist open caps, as if the strength is gone.

Last week, I called for an appointment. The nurse said everything I was describing was symptomatic of it getting inflamed again. There’s a real possibility that the relief I’ve had since getting the shot in August has evaporated.

Sure enough, last night it started to misfire again. There was some swearing in my mind, yes. At least I already had today’s appointment set!

Is it painful? Not really. I’ve felt worse. Is it something that keeps me from completing tasks? No. I’m stubborn like that. As long as I can still bend it, I keep going. Okay, so there’s still some swearing going on in my head but I can do my job. I haven’t dropped anything yet, broken a coffee mug, or such.

This is a level of annoying, however, that borders on insanity inducing. Beyond being a writer, it affects every part of my life. From how I hold my keys to a pencil. I need to ask for help to open drinks or the container with my vitamins. And it’s not because I’m that weak. It’s because my finger doesn’t want to work like it should.

From what I remember the doctor saying in December, I’ll have a choice to make today. Try a 2nd shot and hope this one takes care of the problem, or surgery. The shot doesn’t always take, or solve, the problem. If it did, I wouldn’t be going back in today. It lessened it a LOT, though. Surgery is 100% effective. Depending on the procedure itself, I may not even need to go into a hospital OR. It could be done in office, local anesthesia, and I’m done within 15 minutes. The question on that is if I can drive myself home afterward, and what restrictions I might have with work/life in general while it heals.

I have questions. Today, I hope, I get answers.

Update: I got a 2nd steroid injection today. If this doesn’t work, the next step is surgery. It’s done with local anesthesia at the clinic, minimal down time. I should know in 2-4 months based on the way I reacted to the 1st injection. I’ll be working on the book once the numbing agent wears off. Haha. There’s a window of time where I could get it done before we’d be setting a date for surgery.

BB/Chan Eil Eagal Orm